Have you ever been walking down the street minding your own business and then, all of a sudden, you notice a gorgeous woman with a great smile across the street and think something like:
“I could marry her…”
Or, “Yep, that’s my future wife…”
Or, “I could see myself having kids with her!”
Or something similar?
Well, here’s the deal:
Women tend to fall in love slower than men. <==Understanding this and then acting on this understanding will take you far when it comes to dating and relationships.
If you’ve been around here for a while then you’ve definitely heard me talk about being a CHALLENGE with women…
Because challenge is what women want (respond to positively).
Well, the other side of being a challenge and the other reason that slowing things down, taking a step back after taking a step forward, and taking a long-term view of dating is so important is simply because women. fall. in. love. slower. than. men.
Women fall in love SLOWER…
So, if your feelings for a woman are very strong after one or two dates with her (or even after your first conversation with her), she will tend to feel that same way about you after 6-10 dates (assuming you do everything right with her and she’s actually interested in you to begin with).
Remember: Women aren’t “in love” with a man or “not in love” with him…
There are DEGREES of feelings.
So, when you meet a woman, she could be interested in you at 2 out of 10, or she could be at a 7 out of 10.
Or, she might be at 0 (not interested).
And while “love at first sight” exists for women too (her interest in you is 9 out of 10 or higher when she first sees/meets you), it’s very rare and even then you still have to maintain her high interest for 2-3 months before it really “sticks.”
And relationships are built on FEMALE interest.
So that’s why we shouldn’t focus so much on getting the first date right and “hooking up” as soon as possible if we want a woman to fall deeply in love with us and become our girlfriend or wife.
We understand that our main job in dating is to lead things along while we let her interest in us catch up with and then pass our interest in her. <==Read 3X…
Because, most of the time, our interest in a woman will be higher than her interest in us when we first meet her and even if her interest is high we can easily crush her high interest into the ground if we try to rush things along.
So, we don’t focus too much on just the first date…
We want to get to date #2 <==This is the goal of date #1…
Then, we want to get to date #3 <==This is a big deal because if a woman shows up for a third date, chances are good that you can make it to dates 6-10 with her (this is when her interest is generally high enough for her to want to be in a committed relationship with you if you haven’t done anything to lower her interest in you).
Our 2 main goals when we meet a woman we like:
1. Get to date #3 (hopefully her interest is higher than it was on date #1)…
2. Make it to dates 6-10 when her interest is finally high enough to bring up the idea of being in a committed relationship assuming you did everything right with her and didn’t lower her interest (once she brings it up, then you can ask her to be your girlfriend).
And, because we understand that women fall in love slower than men, we also don’t rush into rejection…
We lead things one step forward and then we stop, look, listen, wait, and take a step back.
Then, we lead things one more step forward and repeat until she doesn’t respond to us anymore/declines a date invitation without offering a SPECIFIC alternative day when she can meet up/breaks a date…
…Or, until she says something like, “Hey, where’s this relationship headed anyway?” or, “What are we?” etc.
And that’s when we know her interest has hit 9 out of 10 and she’s really ready for a committed relationship – when she brings up the idea of being together.
Before that there’s no way we can be sure (no matter how things seem).
We must learn to outwait the women we’re most interested in while still taking measured steps forward.
Remember: Patience is challenge’s twin brother.
And, while patience is bitter, it’s fruit is sweet.
Okay, one last thing:
Dating more than woman at a time is OKAY!!!
I know, I know, revolutionary concept.
Let me let you in on a little (not very secretive) secret:
Most women have no problem continuing to date multiple people until they really feel like one of them is going to make it with them.
In fact, when I tell a woman that most men feel bad when they date more than one woman at a time (before committing to one, of course), they’re surprised…
“Why would they feel bad about that?! I mean, don’t they want to find a woman who’s a good fit for them? How can they do that without dating a few people and seeing how things play out with them over time?”
Good questions (because men fall in love faster? Might be part of it…).
Now, if you want to focus on one woman at a time, that’s completely fine.
You don’t have to date multiple women…
It’s just that you can and that there’s no need to feel bad about it – women do it all the time and don’t have a problem with it.
And, as a benefit to you, if you continue to date more than one woman until you officially commit to one, it automatically makes you more confident, less needy, more preselected, and more of a challenge to the woman you’re most interested in.
I mean, if you actually have several good options it’s a lot easier to act like you have many good options.
And this behavior is wildly attractive to women.
So, if you meet a woman on a dating site, don’t take down your profile just because you had a couple of good dates with her…
Keep it up for a while even if you want to focus on one woman at a time so your subconscious mind knows you always have more options if it doesn’t work out with her.
Knowing you have options allows you to slow things down and focus on the long-term big picture with the woman you like the most.
Which, again, is critical simply because women fall in love slower than men.
I can’t tell you how deep this concept goes…
If you get nothing else out of this article, I still consider it 100% worth writing if you simply never forget, from this day forward, that WOMEN FALL IN LOVE SLOWER THAN MEN.
When this “clicks” and you actually apply it when you meet a woman you’re very interested in, great things start to happen.
Until Next Time,
Jim
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