Have you ever gotten stuck in a conversation with a woman you just met or been in a situation where you didn’t know what to say next on a date?
Or run into an awkward wall of silence?
Or felt like the conversation was boring?
Most of us have…
Including on of my top clients M.A.
Here’s what he wrote me a while back:
“Good morning Jim I have question for you. And I believe I’ve found an area that’s been killing me with women…
Do you have an in-depth book on how to have attractive conversations with women?
I’m tired of only talking about boring stuff or feeling like I’m stuck in my head with nothing to come up with that would make them want to continue talking to me.
I have your Attract and Keep Her book…
…but I was wondering if you have an in-depth book with more examples about awesome conversations with some cool topics that women dig.
Thanks Jim.
-M.A.”
And here’s what I told him:
Hi M.A.,
Great to hear from you…
Yeah, conversations with women can be tricky.
First of all, if you own Attract and Keep Her it includes an “Attractive Conversations” bonus…
So make sure you check that out.
And, if you haven’t already, make sure you listen to the “How to Talk to Women” presentation that I created with another awesome men’s coach:
How to Talk to Women YouTube Presentation…
It might be helpful…
And then here are a few more tips that can help you any time you get “stuck” in a conversation with a woman:
When you get stuck in a conversation with a woman…
1. Be comfortable with silence…
It’s okay for there to be pauses in your conversation with a woman.
A silence doesn’t have to be an awkward silence.
And the way you handle a pause in the conversation is the only thing that matters. If you’re comfortable with it, she’ll be comfortable with it too.
I mean, don’t you have silences sometimes with your friends?
And isn’t it totally fine to just “be together” with them for a few seconds or minutes without talking?
Exactly.
The main reason you wouldn’t be comfortable with silence in a conversation with a woman is that you’re worried about impressing her with your words.
And if you have that mindset you’re making things hard for yourself.
Because she’ll be FAR more impressed with you if you let her talk most of the time and if you’re cool with pauses in the conversation than she will be if you’re always in your head trying to think of the next thing to say to make her like you.
Trying to impress her is an approval-seeking, needy behavior. And neediness DESTROYS attraction.
So, find a way to be comfortable with silences in a conversation with a woman.
And, if you want, you can wait and see if she starts the conversation again….
Because here’s the thing: When a woman likes you, she helps you (this truth goes soooo much deeper than it seems at first, but we’ll save that topic for another day)…
Including keeping the conversation going.
Also, you might want to try this:
For the next week, pause for 3-5 seconds after the other person finishes speaking before you start speaking any time you’re having a conversation with anyone.
You might be surprised by the results and it will help you navigate conversations with women more smoothly.
So, give it a try.
2. Have a “go-to” conversational game you can play any time…
Whenever I get stuck in a conversation or feel like things are getting stagnant, I really like playing conversational “games” and women of all ages seem to love it too.
For example, here’s a fun one I use a lot (even with friends, but works well on a date, etc.):
1. Ask her, “If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?”
Let her answer…
2. Ask her, “Okay, awesome. Now, if you could be any other animal what would you be and why?”
Let her answer…
3. Ask her, “Ahh, cool. Okay, last one I promise. If you couldn’t be those first two animals, what animal would you be and why?”
Let her answer.
4. Ask her, “Do you want to know what your answers mean?”
Her: “Tell me, tell me!”
You: “Okay, so the first one is who you think you are. It’s how you see yourself. The second one is how other people see you. And then the last one is who you really are.”
I’ve never had a group of women or a woman by herself of any age not enjoy this conversational game.
So use it or find something similar that you like better that you can pull out any time you find things getting dull.
Amazing what “silly” stuff like this can do for you with women haha.
Remember: Love is light and playful; not serious.
So find some kind of conversational game like this that you enjoy that you can pull out any time and your conversations will improve (there are tons of conversational games like this out there if you search for them).
3. Prepare some fun topics and interesting questions in advance…
All the way back in 7th grade, we started going to school dances…
And there was a really smart kid in my class; we’ll call him Steve for the purposes of this article.
Steve ended up attending the Naval Academy and flying fighter planes and helicopters….and now he lives in NYC with his gorgeous wife and kids.
And all these years later I still remember this story about him…
We were in the back of his family’s mini-van heading to one of these school dances one fine fall evening.
You know, the ones where the boys stand on one side of the gym and the girls stand on the other, just waiting for someone to make any kind of move.
Well, Steve wasn’t about to let this dance turn out like that…
He was like, “Alright dude, so, we have to come up with some things to talk to the girls about…let’s brainstorm right now so we don’t have to think about it when we’re nervous later.”
Brilliant.
And still relevant advice even if you’re 86 years old. =)
If you have some “go-to” fun topics you can bring up and some “go-to” interesting, open-ended questions you can pull out any time, you’ll never feel “stuck” in a conversation with an attractive woman.
You just pull out one of these topics or questions and keep the conversation moving.
Here are some examples I like:
Fun Topics
-Fun stories from childhood (see my story above)…
-Travel…
-Her passions and hobbies (and your passions and hobbies – talk about hers a little bit more than yours)…
-Anything related to Pop Culture…
-Celebrity gossip…
-Observations about the environment around you (i.e. “Hey, why is everyone here wearing jean jackets? Did we miss the cult meeting?” etc.)…
-Anything you’re genuinely curious about…
-Anything interesting you’ve learned and want to share…
-Anything YOU think is interesting…if you share something with enthusiasm she’ll generally find it interesting as well because of the emotions you attach to it…
If you bring up a topic and she doesn’t seem into it, feel free to switch topics any time you want, even mid-sentence…
Let the conversation FLOW instead of forcing it.
Interesting Open-Ended Questions
-What’s something you secretly want to brag about?
-If you hit the lottery jackpot and never had to work again, what would you do and why?
-What’s your ideal vacation/travel itinerary?
-What would your ideal day look like?
-If you could be any dinosaur, what would you be and why?
-If you could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, who would it be and why?
Etc.
I encourage you to come up with your own list of topics and open-ended questions and use them over and over. You only need a few that you really like.
So now you have some tools to help you when you “stall-out” in a conversation with a woman.
And remember: Dating is a two-way street…
You’re only responsible for half of the conversation and BOTH of you are trying to impress the other person.
So don’t carry all of that burden yourself.
LEAD the conversation where you want it to go but don’t FORCE it.
Hand her the ball as much as you can and see where she takes it.
If she mentions a topic in passing, ask her to go deeper into it. Or tell her a fun, quick story that relates to that topic she mentioned and then ask her another question.
LEAD the conversation but don’t DOMINATE it…
Always remember that she should be talking 60-80% of the time.
Lastly, focus on the EMOTIONS you’re creating with her more than the content of your conversation…
Because that’s what attraction is all about.
And that also means that if you create an environment where pauses in a conversation are okay instead of living in your head trying to think of the next thing to say, you’ll both FEEL more COMFORTABLE just being with each other…
And what else happens when you’re alone with her and you’re not talking?
I’ll just go ahead and leave you with that. =)
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
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