Did you know that every time you approach, talk to, date, or have a relationship with a woman you’re doing it through a certain FRAME?
And that the frame you’re operating within can have an enormous effect on your results with her?
Well, in this article, we’re going to talk about a few of the possible frames you could find yourself in and the one that gets you the best possible RESULTS.
Now, here’s the thing: We don’t just stay in one frame all the time…
We can be in one frame with one woman and be in a completely different frame with the next.
And, we can change the frame we’re using ANY TIME.
So, the key is to become aware of the frame you operate within most often and make sure it’s working well for you.
Frames to Avoid…
Let’s start with a couple of frames that lots of men find themselves in that don’t serve you well:
1. The BEGGAR frame…
One of the ways you can approach dating is to (unconsciously) BEG women to like you (and/or love you).
A guy operating in this frame sounds like this:
“When can I see your beautiful face again? :)” (Please spend time with me again sometime…any time YOU want!)
“You are SO hot…”
“Can I buy you a drink?”
“I’ll do anything for you…”
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I just had to talk to you…” (I’m not worthy of your time, but please just like me anyway).
Etc.
Clearly, this frame doesn’t work very well. Yet, it’s easy to fall into it if we’re not careful.
Why do guys operate within this frame?
Because they think the woman they’re interacting with is more valuable than them (if a guy doesn’t think he has value to offer a woman, why would she think so?).
And, because they have this belief, they behave in a way that repels even women who are attracted to them at first.
So, let’s avoid this one from now on…
2. The Seller frame…
Another way you can approach dating is to try to CONVINCE women to like you (and/or love you).
This frame feels like showing up at a stranger’s house at dinner time, knocking on their door, interrupting their dinner, and spending an hour trying to convince them to buy a timeshare while their food gets cold.
And that’s if you’re AWARE of it (most guys aren’t…).
A guy operating within this frame sounds like this:
“So, I was driving my Corvette over to my pro baseball game the other day and…” (See how awesome I am?! You should totally like me).
OR
“Nobody can ever possibly love you as much as I do…” (It would be a good, “rational decision” for you to like me because I’m SO interested in you).
OR
“I do a lot of charity work…Oh and I LOVE horses! I also spend lots of time with my mom and my sisters. It’s kinda hard with my job as VP at the bank, but I try to make it work. Oh, did I tell you the story about how I saved a dog from a tree? Let me tell you…(then he keeps talking about HIMSELF for 30 straight minutes…This is the most common one; simply talking about himself too much and not letting her talk about herself because he thinks he has to try to convince her to like him).”
OR
*He agrees with everything she says* “We have SO much in common!” (So, obviously, we should be together!).
OR
“I wrote you a poem (bought you flowers, bought you a gift, etc. *BEFORE she’s in love with him and he’s her official boyfriend)…” (So, you should totally like me more now…right?!)
“All the other guys in here are so LAME…” (putting others down to raise his value).
Etc.
Obviously, some of these are a little exaggerated, but you get the idea.
Whenever a woman feels like you’re trying to SELL YOURSELF to her (i.e. you’re trying to convince her to like you), she starts losing attraction immediately.
Remember: No man has ever convinced a woman of anything…
You’re not likely to be the first. =)
She’ll use her own rationalizations for why she’s attracted to you and they’ll be MUCH better than any “reasons” you could give her.
Why?
Because, they’re HER reasons…
Why do guys operate within this frame?
Because they believe that it’s the man’s job in dating to “convince” the woman to be with him.
That’s the frame that society sets up for us.
However, that’s not actually how it works…
In fact, the more you try to convince a woman to like you, the less she likes you AND, the less you try to convince her to like you the more she likes you.
So, let her convince herself instead of selling yourself to her (like almost EVERY guy she meets ALWAYS does), and you’ll do a lot better.
Besides, she convinces herself that you’re amazing automatically when you operate within this next frame:
The most ATTRACTIVE dating MINDSET you can have…
This third frame is a good one to find yourself in most often:
3. The Buyer frame…
How do you approach buying a car?
Do you just go up to the first car that looks okay and buy it immediately (or try to convince it that it should allow you to buy it)?
Of course not…
You look around the inside…
You take it for a test drive…
You find out what features it has…
You probably even look at several other cars and compare prices, features, etc. and try to find the one that’s the best fit for you right now.
Then, you negotiate the best price you can get…
That’s what the buyer approach feels like: Seeing IF a woman might be a good fit for you over a longer period of time.
And isn’t deciding which women to spend your extremely valuable time with at least as important as shopping for a new car?
Who do you think does better on a first date:
A guy who’s already SOLD on a woman he barely knows and (unconsciously) begs her to like him?
A guy who’s already SOLD on a woman he barely knows and tries to convince her to like him?
Or, the guy who goes out with a woman to see if she might be a good fit for him?
Exactly.
Now, in reality, BOTH of you are the buyer AND the seller at the same time when it comes to dating…
It’s just that most men NEVER take the buyer view at all, so even operating from that frame a little bit can set you apart from your competition.
Why don’t guys operate within this frame more often?
1. They believe they have to convince women to be with them, to hook up with them, etc. They think “that’s just how it works…” (even though that’s not how attraction works at all).
2. They’re afraid that a woman won’t see their value unless they tell her all about it (she will see your value more the less you try to show it to her).
3. They haven’t tried it before so they don’t believe that it works (what do you mean be a challenge? Women won’t like that at all! …except challenge is exactly what women REALLY want because when a guy is selling himself to her, she doesn’t feel very good about being with him but when it’s her idea to be with him and she’s selling herself a little bit to him, she’s extremely happy to be with him – same guy, different results).
Now, because the buyer frame works 1000X better than the seller frame when it comes to attracting women:
I highly encourage you to operate from the buyer frame with every woman you date from now on.
Especially the ones you’re really attracted to.
And, if you want to take this concept even further, you can try another highly effective frame:
Bonus frame…
4. The Recruiter frame…
This one can work for general attraction, but it works even better if you’re looking for a long-term relationship.
This approach feels like recruiting someone awesome to join your (All-Star) TEAM.
When you go out with a woman, approach it like this:
Would she be a good teammate?
Can you trust her?
Is she reliable?
Does she have a good attitude?
Does she want to be part of the team or is she only out for herself?
Does she have the qualities required to be on your team?
If not, stop contacting her.
If yes, ask her out again (and attract her properly).
Remember: These frames might seem like a small thing, but they have a big effect on how a woman ends up FEELING about you and they also have a big effect on how you experience dating.
The frame you’re in while you’re dating a woman affects everything:
-The way you talk to her…
-The questions you ask her naturally…
-Your body language…
–How confident and relaxed you feel…
-The way you text her…
-How you decide if you want to see her again or not…
-Etc.
And, if you operate within frames 3 and 4 instead of 1 or 2, you’ll be MUCH more attractive to women without changing your personality at all (= winning)…
So, whenever you’re with a woman you’re attracted to, get her talking about herself as much as possible and do it from an attractive frame instead of begging her to like you or trying to sell yourself to her.
The best part: It’s SO much easier than trying to figure out what might make her think you’re awesome and much more effective at actually achieving that result.
Remember: She likes you more when she (subconsciously) tries to convince you to like her, not the other way around… <==Read 3X
And:
She can’t be selling herself to you, even a little bit, and be “rejecting” you at the same time. =)
So flip that script on every woman you date from now on and start enjoying the success you deserve.
Until Next Time,
Jim
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