Whether you’re attracted to a woman, dating a woman, or already in a relationship with a woman, the best approach is to assume then verify…
What does that mean exactly?
Well, let’s jump into the deep end first and then get into the finer details:
When a man is having an issue with a woman, it’s almost always due to the following 3 reasons (or a combination of them):
1. She’s not interested – even if the man thinks she is or she was interested before (or she’s not available)…
2. She does not have the qualities required to be the right woman for him…
In other words, she does not have a flexible attitude, is not giving, and/or is not GREATT as we cover inside the Attract and Keep Her system…
There are certain characteristics that allow us to build happy, healthy, satisfying relationships with each other and if some of those things are missing we will have problems because of that guaranteed.
3. He is not demonstrating the 4 male qualities that raise female interest or he is not giving her the 4 things that maintain female interest once her interest hits 9 out of 10 or higher.
(High internal value, internal strength, preselection, and especially challenge raise female interest. To maintain female interest once it hits 9 out of 10, we must give her respect, positive attention, positive humor, and teamwork).
That’s pretty much it.
So, if we want to avoid having problems with women, we must focus on these 3 root causes of the issues men have with women.
And how do we do that?
Well, here’s the thing:
Women generally know how to TEST men…
That’s why they typically fall in love slower than men:
They want to wait and see how things play out so they can confirm if the guy is really as good as he seems or not.
On the other hand, most men don’t know how to test women at all and most men probably don’t even think about it.
And that’s where I come in:
I show you how to test women to see if they have real interest in you and also to see if a particular woman is actually the right woman for you.
So, when it comes to 1, 2, and 3 from above, we should take the approach of ASSUME then VERIFY.
Here’s what that means exactly:
ASSUME then VERIFY…
Let’s start with a woman’s interest level…
You should ASSUME that a woman is interested in you…
And what I mean by assume is to act as if (not naively ignore reality)…
ACT AS IF she’s interested in you…and then find out if she really is or not.
This is the two-sided coin of success:
An irrational overestimation of your own attractiveness while ALSO realizing not every woman is going to be into you and moving on immediately when you FIND OUT that she’s not interested (and finding out the reality as quickly as possible).
It’s unawareness and awareness at the same time…
And it works because reality dictates that you actually don’t know if a woman is interested or not until you TEST her interest.
A supermodel could be into you because she likes your fashion sense, she likes the way you carry yourself, and you look a little bit like a former flame of hers while a less physically attractive woman in the same room might not be interested in you at all.
We don’t know…
So we assume and then TEST.
And then we are cool about it whether she ends up being interested or not because we either start creating a good connection with her or we move on to the next without wasting more time and energy and with the confidence boost we get by simply going for it.
Assuming she’s interested in you gives you the golden layer of confidence required to approach her, ask her out, go for a kiss, etc.
At the very least, even if you don’t feel that confident, ACTING as if you know she’s interested will get you the best results.
And then you should TEST her interest to VERIFY that she actually is interested in you.
Because, again, we don’t want to waste any time, energy, or money on women who aren’t actually interested in us.
And we don’t want to keep pushing when it’s not going anywhere – this isn’t a good thing to do and it can lead to all kinds of trouble as well.
So how can you verify her interest in you?
Well, we certainly don’t take her word for it…
What we have to do is read her actions toward you.
You have to take some specific actions and then see how she reacts to your actions just like reading a chemical testing strip.
So here’s how you test female interest:
1. Start a conversation with her…
See if she’s receptive to you or if she makes it harder to talk to her/gives you negative body language that tells you she doesn’t want to continue the conversation.
In other words, TEST her interest by attempting to start a conversation.
If she seems open to it, continue.
If not, stop and move on to the next woman who seems interesting to you.
2. Ask her for her name (but don’t give her yours)…
If she asks for your name back, she’s either interested in you or she’s polite (or both).
In that case, continue the conversation with her and continue to assume she’s interested in you (we’ll test her interest more later).
On the other hand, if she doesn’t ask your name back at any point, assume she’s NOT interested in you, smoothly exit the conversation, and then move on to the next woman.
This simple little test can save you tons of time and energy if you use it.
3. Ask her for her number during your first conversation with her…
If she gives you her number, notice how she gives it to you:
Does she give it to you with enthusiasm and/or a smile on her face with glowing eyes OR does she seem like she’s not all that happy to give it to you?
Remember: Women who like you help you…
The easier it is to set up a date with her, etc. the higher her interest.
If she gives you her number (with enthusiasm), continue to assume she’s interested.
If not, move on to the next woman.
4. Ask her out on a date…
If she agrees and shows up, assume she’s interested (don’t worry, more tests are coming).
If she declines but gives you a specific counteroffer (“I can’t do Wednesday…can we meet on Thursday at 7 instead?” counts. “Let’s hang out some other time…” does not count), assume she’s interested.
If she declines your date invite, cancels on you at some point before the date, OR doesn’t show up for your date, assume she’s NOT interested and move on.
5. Go for a kiss by the end of the second date…
Now we’re getting to a real moment of truth.
This will show you if she has actual romantic interest in you or not.
If she kisses you back (the more enthusiasm the better), assume she’s interested.
If she gives you the side of her head and declines your kiss, assume she’s NOT interested in you and move on.
So that’s how you TEST female interest in the very early stages of dating.
I encourage you to start testing female interest this way from now on.
And now let’s move on to the second root cause of issues men have with women: She doesn’t have the qualities required to be the right woman for you.
How do you test for that?
Here’s what we do:
1. Again, ASSUME first…
We want to ACT AS IF she’s an amazing woman when we’re talking to her, on a date with her, etc.
Always treat her like she IS the right woman for you.
Then, we TEST to see if this is actually true or not:
2. During your first conversation with her and on your dates, ask her open-ended questions and then let her talk.
Notice the way she talks about certain things:
-Does she mention that she’s cheated on every boyfriend she’s ever had?
-Does she sound responsible or does she mention lots of unpaid bills?
-Does she show you that she has a positive, flexible attitude or does she talk about situations and people in a way that shows she doesn’t?
-What can you say about her VALUES by the things she talks about and the way she talks about them?
Etc.
Take the qualities we should look for that we talk about inside Attract and Keep Her and see what you can glean from your conversation(s) with her.
3. Observe her behavior over time…
It takes about 2 years to fully get to know a woman, especially because we tend to have an overly rosy view of a woman when we first start dating her.
We want the REALITY of who she is to come out.
Is she actually a keeper or not?
Well, does she show you by her BEHAVIOR over the course of 2 years that she is:
-Giving?
Does she think about others and do things for you once in a while or does she only think about herself?
-Responsible?
Can you count on her?
-Emotionally Stable?
Everyone has bad days…
Does she experience and express the appropriate emotions for most situations most of the time?
Or does she overreact to every single thing that happens no matter what?
Is her default setting more positive or negative?
-Agreeable?
Is she more flexible or hardheaded?
Does she enjoy arguing or does she want to resolve things with you?
Does she have a good attitude toward life in general without you or does she have a negative attitude?
Does she add to the fun you have in groups of people or does she ruin the fun?
-Trustworthy?
Can you go out of town on a business trip and know nothing will happen with other men?
Can you trust her to make a shared bill payment?
Does she talk to you about big decisions or does she go behind your back?
Does she hide things from you or is she mostly honest and open?
-Trusting?
Does she have the ability to trust you after you’ve earned it over time or will she never fully trust you no matter what you do?
-Does she share your most important values?
And then ask yourself:
How does she treat you?
Is she a giver or a taker?
Does she have a good attitude toward life in general?
Is she part of the crew or part of the cargo?
These are the things that make a woman the right woman for you.
If you notice by her behavior that she has them for the most part, continue with her.
If she shows you that she doesn’t have them, at any point, then it’s time to move on to the next woman.
Act as if she is the right woman for you, TEST to see if that’s actually true or not, and then move forward with her or move on.
And then, lastly, let’s talk about YOU…
We should also apply the ASSUME then VERIFY idea to our own behavior with a woman.
Here’s how:
1. When you’re having a conversation with a woman or you’re on a date with her, ASSUME you’re doing everything right while you’re with her…
Follow the training you have and the things you know to the best of your ability in that moment.
Focus on having fun with her and 2-3 main keys that we talk about because it’s hard to do more than that in any given moment.
THEN…
2. AFTER your conversation or your date, evaluate your behavior to see if you were actually doing everything right.
If you realize you made some mistakes, correct those mistakes going forward.
Did you talk to much/talk too much about yourself instead of letting her talk about herself?
Did you break self-control and tell her how much you like/love her?
Did you focus on keeping it light and playful or did you get super heavy and serious?
Did you focus on trying to get some kind of outcome or did you stay in the moment with her for the most part?
Did you playfully challenge her, qualify her, and ask her open-ended questions?
Did you LEAD?
Did you make the date too long or did you keep it shorter and end it on a high note?
Did you ask her when you can see her again or did you simply say goodbye and then thank her for the fun time?
Etc.
What I’m saying is this:
You don’t want to be in your head evaluating your “performance” when you’re out on a date with a woman…
Of course you want to adjust to the situation if necessary but you want to be in the moment with her as much as possible vs. being in your head.
And then, once you’re by yourself, you want to VERIFY that you did everything right.
Look at the things you did well and be proud of that.
And, at the same time, look honestly at your mistakes so you can correct them.
And, lastly, as you go along with each new woman you’re dating, ask yourself if your ACTIONS match the Relationship Road Map that we cover inside Attract and Keep Her…
Did you wait 4-8 days after each date before you asked her out again or did you decide to break self-control and do it sooner?
Have you been texting her too much or are you keeping that to a minimum (your texts to her should be a little bit shorter and less frequent than her texts to you)?
Are you asking her what she wants to do and what her schedule is or are you just planning a date on a specific day at a specific time and then inviting her to join you (that’s the way we do it)?
Are you waiting for her to bring up the idea of being in a relationship or are you breaking self-control and talking about it yourself?
Etc.
Study the system, go out and apply it, see what you did right and what you can correct, study some more and then repeat.
So that’s how you TEST reality to see if a woman is really interested in you or not, whether a woman is actually the right woman for you or not, and whether or not you’re doing everything right with her.
If you nail all 3 of these areas you’ll always be on the right track with women.
Remember:
When you’re on your path out there with women, assuming is like the gas pedal and testing is like a series of stoplights telling you to stop or keep going.
If you want to get anywhere and avoid a nasty wreck at the same time you better use both.
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
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