If you want to be in a long-term relationship with a woman, then she MUST be:
1. Interested in you…and
2. Available…
…in order for anything to even get started.
On the other hand, some women who have boyfriends or husbands will flirt with you and so will some women who aren’t actually interested in you.
So, how can we tell if a woman is FOR REAL or not?
How do we know if she’s a real option or a waste-of-our-time fantasy?
That’s what M.J. asked me about recently:
“Hey Jim,
I’m reaching out mainly out of pure interest in understanding the game of attraction more, and to understand the psychological reasons behind my own recent case with a woman…
I hope you find a moment to skim through this and offer your thoughts.
There’s this woman I’ve been really attracted to at my gym for the past few months…
Back in-between November – December I was certain that this feeling of attraction was mutual between us, we would catch each others eyes numerous times within the space of a few minutes, and a few times I would catch her leaving and she would say hello and smile, the usual stuff that can also quite often be misinterpreted or blown out of proportion, she’s a pretty friendly person and speaks with people around the gym so things like a smile and hello are not always the smoking gun.
However the main sign that had me certain that I need to go and speak with this woman was the way I would catch her looking from afar numerous times, sometimes followed with a smile while looking down, the best example of this actually happened on the very same day that the gym unexpectedly announced that they would close due to the pandemic, meaning that my intentions to go and speak to her that very next day was delayed by a few months.
Fast forward to a week ago when the gym’s opened again I figured I may as well go get the answer I’ve been seeking…
I see her, she smiles and says hi, we went about our own workouts, it just so happened that during our workouts I see her struggling to take some weights off the equipment I had just used, so I used this opportunity to initiate some contact and went to help her and she says, ‘Thank you, I’m not as strong as you.’
I waited for us both to finish training, and when I saw her leaving I approached her, and as we got closer she made a little joke about me not getting hit by a car as I crossed the road, then we stopped and started speaking and she was asking me questions like where I lived, how I’ve been training during lockdown etc., and just before she started to head off I stopped her again and asked if she was single, she laughed and said no she’s in a relationship and lightly tapped my arm in a joking manner.
I stayed cool laughed it off and just said ‘fair enough, no worries,’ since I’m not looking to mess about with other peoples relationships, and she then asked me what my name was and told me her name, and that she will see me about, I said nice to meet you and we went our separate ways.
I didn’t let this affect me in any way, I still show up to the gym at the same time rather than hide/avoid her, and I’m friendly with her, when I see her I smile and say Hello…
The thing is, I still see her glance at me from time to time, and do things like wave goodbye, and make eye contact before she leaves the gym. It makes me feel that there’s still more to this, but at this point I’m not too fussed since its not worth pursuing if she really does have somebody.
I’m intrigued to know what you think happened here?
I was so certain based on the signs that this was a situation that really just required me to make the approach and it would be done. Did I maybe ask her if she is single too soon?
Maybe she’s just an attention seeker?
What do you think?
-M.J.”
Alright, so what gives?
If this woman is in a relationship, why was she “giving signals” to M.J. at the gym?
Here’s my take:
How to Tell if a Woman is Just Flirting or if She’s FOR REAL…
M.J.,
Thank you for your email sir.
Let me free-flow my thoughts about this after reading your email twice:
1. Don’t ask a woman if she’s seeing someone…
Just start a conversation, ask for her number, and then ask her out on a date.
See if she brings it up as a way to dismiss you or not; otherwise assume she’s single until she says otherwise.
Now, we only date women who are interested and available (as I mentioned earlier in this newsletter)…
However, what we do is TEST her interest level and allow her to reveal if she’s available or not over the course of at least asking her out on a date.
We want to see what’s really happening without asking her about it directly.
There are many reasons for this that I won’t get into right now, but it goes deeper than one might think…
And, by the way, once you asked her if she was single and she said no you handled it well by playing it cool after that – so well done on that part.
2. It’s the easiest thing in the world for a man to think a woman is interested when she may or may not be…
That’s why we use CHECKPOINTS.
They are the ONLY things that give us a true reading of female interest level (which is the most important factor in your relationship with a woman).
Her words don’t matter (when reading her interest level, not in general), etc.
It’s all flirting and fun until we FIND OUT if she’s real or not based on checkpoints.
A woman can give us all kinds of “signals” when we first meet her and that doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s interested and available even if it seems that way…
I mean, in this case, you said it yourself:
She’s the kind of woman who goes around talking to and smiling at everyone…
So, she might be interested or she might just be being her outgoing self with you.
And you also might be projecting your interest onto her.
So, the bottom line is we always have to find out a woman’s true level of interest using checkpoints so we know for sure instead of assuming, guessing, projecting, and/or hoping.
Here are a few of the checkpoints we use to gauge REAL female interest:
1. Ask her name without revealing yours…
If she asks yours back in the conversation she may be interested or she might just be polite or she might be both.
If she doesn’t ask, she’s not interested and we can move on immediately.
2. She gives you her number (with enthusiasm)…
Always ask a woman for her number during your first conversation with her.
If she gives it to you and doesn’t seem too hesitant about it (many women will give their number to you even if they’re not interested or even give you a fake number vs. simply saying they aren’t interested or not giving you their number), so far so good.
On the other hand, if I think a woman is just going through the motions when she’s giving me her number, I won’t text her…
3. She accepts your date invitation…
(Ask her clearly so you get a clear response – specify the day, time, and location where you want to meet up with her and see if she agrees).
If she’s interested she will accept or make you a SPECIFIC counteroffer (some other time or a vague reply doesn’t count; “I’m busy weds. Can we do Thursday at 7 instead?” <==This is what we want to see).
4. She shows up for the date…
Some say yes and don’t show up.
5. She kisses you (back) when you go for it by the end of the second date…
This is the first real solid romantic relationship checkpoint – if she goes out with you twice and kisses you, now we have something. Not everything, but something.
6. She shows up for your third date…
This is a big one.
If a woman shows up for 3 dates with you and has kissed you, chances are good you can become her boyfriend down the line if you do everything right.
Now we have the START of something and her interest is definitely real.
7. She brings up the topic of being in a relationship…
You don’t bring it up, we wait for HER to bring it up.
If you do everything right with a woman who’s interested in you and available in terms of asking her out, waiting 4-8 days after each date with minimal contact in-between dates, etc. for 6-10 dates/2-3 months then at some point she will bring up the idea of being in a relationship.
She usually says something like, “Hey, where is this relationship headed anyway?” or “What are we?” etc.
That’s when we know her interest has finally hit 9 out of 10 or higher.
Before that it’s too soon to ask her to be your girlfriend.
So, again, we don’t really know how interested a woman is until she passes these CHECKPOINTS.
And we save ourselves lots of time and energy by using them instead of hoping, wondering, or wishfully thinking.
We just find out.
3. If a woman is not AVAILABLE, nothing can even start…
A woman must be interested in you AND available for anything to go anywhere as we talked about briefly before.
So, she may be interested, but if she’s not available then it doesn’t matter.
In this case, once a woman tells you she has a boyfriend, just say, “Well, he must be a cool guy if he’s with you…”
And then, if you want, you can give her your number so she can contact you if/when she’s single.
If she’s interested, she WILL.
So, if a woman isn’t available, just give her your number and then start dating other women until she contacts you (which might bet never).
If she has your contact info, the pressure’s off and you can move on. It’s time for her to reach out if she’s interested and when she’s available.
You’ve done everything you can.
And then, if she does reach out at some point, start from the beginning like normal and just ask her out on a date.
Now, just because a woman is in a relationship doesn’t mean she stops enjoying male attention or that she’s not attracted to anyone else…
Each woman handles this differently.
And if her interest in her man is less than 9 out of 10 then something like you experienced could definitely happen.
Most women don’t actually leave a man until their interest hits -1 though, so we have to focus on AVAILABLE women only.
And, of course, when we have a girlfriend we have to make sure her interest hits and STAYS at 9 out of 10 or higher so the other side of this doesn’t happen to us where our gf/wife is flirting with awesome guys like you at the gym. =)
If you meet a woman who is interested and available and you follow everything we cover inside the Attract and Keep Her System, her interest absolutely will keep rising until it hits 9 or higher and then it will stay there as long as you want to be with her and you’ll never have to worry about this.
And that’s exactly why I’m here – to help guys with both sides of the coin.
Alright sir, I’ll be back with more soon…
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
The Best-Selling System:
Attract and Keep Her
