The most successful men ALL share this one trait…
And each of us can develop this attractive quality that makes us a lot more attractive to women.
So, what is this characteristic that the most attractive men in the world all share?
They handle it well when a woman is upset with them.
Especially in the early stages of dating.
See, as you may already know, female attraction / romantic interest level isn’t binary – she’s attracted / in love or she’s not; it’s more of a sliding scale of interest over time…
And that means that your behavior in specific situations determines if a woman’s interest in you will go up, down, or remain the same.
So, that means that the first time a woman gets upset with you or something goes a little sideways with her it’s an OPPORTUNITY to raise her interest level (and/or prevent her interest level from falling) whether we see it that way or not.
And it’s all based on how you handle it (not that nothing ever goes wrong).
The most successful men are operating on a slightly longer timeline…
They are more concerned with how a woman will feel about them on a long-term meta level vs. in one smaller situation, even if they are just going for hookups (or at least their actions are in alignment with this).
On the other hand, men who aren’t as successful with women tend to get a lot more concerned over what’s happening in a given moment and they react a lot more to these situations.
And here’s what I’ve noticed:
You may have already heard me say this but I watch way too many reality TV shows in the dating and relationship niche…
I just can’t help myself. =)
And, even though these shows aren’t correlated very strongly with the real world, we can still learn some things from them if we watch them through the right FILTER (i.e. the principles we talk about around here).
Well, one of the PATTERNS I picked up on after watching so many of these shows is that the most attractive guys (not in terms of looks; in terms of a woman remaining attracted to him and getting more attracted to him over time), the ones who do THE BEST with women whether it’s a show focused on hook-ups or relationships (this applies to all situations with women), handle a woman getting upset with them the EXACT same way…
And how do they handle it exactly when a woman is upset with them so that we can work on this ourselves?
How to Handle it When a Woman is Upset with You…
Let’s break it down:
1. They don’t chase her around the house…
Some of the less successful guys do this:
They realize a woman is upset with them and they respond to that by chasing after her to try to make up for it as quickly as possible because they are WORRIED that she will lose attraction if they don’t.
Well, the most successful men DO NOT do this.
They might feel something and they might feel slightly concerned but they don’t allow these feelings to compel them to chase her because they know it’s counterproductive (or they do this instinctively).
Or, in some cases, they are just CONFIDENT that she won’t lose interest in him over whatever she’s upset about at the moment and they don’t worry as much about it.
However he may FEEL, he does not take the actions of a man who is overly worried about it.
And:
2. He doesn’t take HER feelings into himself…
He feels the way he feels and lets her feel how she feels without taking on her feelings or trying to change her feelings.
Not only is this attractive, it’s also HEALTHY and signals that he has healthy boundaries.
Plus, women are attracted to men who can stay GROUNDED when they are being extra emotional.
On the other hand:
3. He still considers her feelings; he’s not dismissive of her once she comes back toward him and they have a discussion.
These guys are actually great listeners most of the time; it’s just that her feelings don’t affect his feelings as much as less successful men tend to get affected by them.
Plus, he lets her cool off a bit more and come back toward him when the time is right vs. chasing after her.
He lets it ride a little bit longer.
So there’s a BIG difference between acknowledging why she’s upset, potentially working through it, and even apologizing if it’s warranted vs. GETTING WORRIED AND CHASING AFTER HER.
The most successful men let things play out a little more.
And not allowing a situation like this derail you and your confidence is key.
This is another example of being NONREACTIVE:
Women love men who don’t REACT.
Now, of course we want to respond to things that happen but that’s a different thing…
Being reactive means that your emotions control you; responding means that YOU are in charge and take the correct actions no matter what you are FEELING.
Every fiber of your body may be compelling you to, “chase after her or we’ll lose her!”
Well, even if you feel that way, if you take the correct ACTION instead in spite of how you are feeling (allowing the situation to play out a bit more and then responding to it appropriately) it’s the same thing as not feeling concerned at all in terms of the way it impacts a woman’s attraction to you.
The way you feel doesn’t matter nearly as much as the way you ACT and RESPOND no matter how you’re feeling.
And, not only is this a pillar of being nonreactive, it’s also a good example of RECOVERY.
Because the most successful men recover the best when something goes a little sideways with a woman.
One incident doesn’t knock an attractive man off his path unless whatever happened was a total deal-breaker.
He tends to pass “tests” like this by default.
Now, you might be thinking, “Well, the most successful men tend to be very good-looking so they know they can get away with more – that’s why they behave this way and that’s why it works…”
Well, there is some truth to that but here’s the thing:
1. A lot of times men who are better-looking than the men who behave in an attractive way lose a woman’s attraction and interest because of their behavior.
On the same show, the best-looking man is not always the most attractive. <==Read 3x…
Sometimes a super good-looking guy is also super reactive and women lose interest in him quickly.
This is an INTERNAL quality; not a physical one.
So the correlation is definitely not 1-1; a man will become more attractive by behaving in a more attractive way regardless of his looks.
2. It’s also a virtuous cycle:
When you behave the way the most successful men do, you become more successful, you gain confidence, and then you become even more successful as your attractive behavior is reinforced by experience.
3. It’s a LAW that behaving this way is more attractive to a woman – she can’t even help it…
If she is attracted to you at all, there’s an attractive way to behave and a repellent way to behave.
And if she already lost ALL of her interest in you then it doesn’t matter what you do at all anyway.
Behaving this way always wins.
So, here’s my more general recommendation for you:
Instead of 1 point of failure derailing you, allow yourself 2 points before you react…
Give yourself a little more “slack.”
Be prepared for one thing to go wrong with a woman and handle it smoothly.
EXPECT IT and be ready for it.
And maintain your confidence in yourself and your belief in her interest level through this one situation or mishap.
Give yourself one of these for every woman you meet.
Because it’s all part of the dance.
Now, if the same thing goes wrong more than once, then it’s a PATTERN and that might have to be addressed differently of course…
However, if it’s the first little thing that hasn’t gone perfectly, this should be considered the same as smooth sailing on a calm sea because it IS – these incidents and the way you handle them is PART OF IT and doesn’t mean anything is wrong in general.
This is the strongest approach to dating:
Remaining calm and responding to things that happen smoothly.
Again, this doesn’t mean we are robots and that we feel nothing…
It’s more about taking your feelings as information instead of commands and taking the correct and appropriate ACTIONS at all times.
So, when it comes to women, whether you want to attract a woman for one night or for a lifetime, there are actually 3 steps that we must perform (not just 2):
PUSH, PULL, and WAIT.
In other words, push and pull and be NONREACTIVE at the same time.
Patience and discipline are critical when it comes to women…
And this kind of internal strength / self-control is WILDLY attractive to women.
So, when a woman is upset with you in the early stages of dating:
Wait and let her come back toward you or at least give her some time and space before you talk to her about it.
Let it play out a little bit.
And don’t be dismissive of her feelings and concerns; just don’t worry that it will cause her to leave you or lose interest in you (again, especially if it’s one time – 2 of the same situations can be cause for more concern).
Because, again, if she’s already lost all interest in you it doesn’t matter what you do and if she still has some interest left chasing after her will lower her interest further or you’ll break even at best; if you handle it better you can GAIN points even when she’s upset with you.
Then, later on, once she’s in love with you and you’re in a relationship, listen to her if she wants to talk about something immediately; otherwise let her cool off a bit and also give her some time and space for a bit.
And, whenever a woman is upset with you:
Apologize if you believe it’s warranted (otherwise stand your ground while not dismissing her feelings), listen to her no matter what (stay GROUNDED), and don’t try to change her feelings or be afraid that she’s upset with you.
Being okay with a woman feeling upset with you sometimes is a BIG KEY to success with women.
It can take you to the next level for sure.
Now, if you did something to disrespect a woman, that’s not something you should do again and you should apologize sincerely and correct your behavior moving forward…
Feeling slightly guilty about that is normal and fine; just apologize sincerely and fix it for the next time.
But here’s the thing:
In general, you should be seeking her validation A LOT LESS than she’s seeking yours.
So, when a woman is upset with you, don’t let the temporary loss of her validation derail you.
Listen, this might sound counter to what society says, but if you accept this truth you will do better with women:
In general, seeking validation is the FEMALE ROLE…
It’s natural for a woman who is interested in you to seek validation from you; when you do it it can lower her interest level.
A sincere apology is high-status and not approval-seeking (no groveling) if you do it the right way; chasing after a woman because you are worried about her approval too much is unattractive.
While we both seek each other’s approval in a romantic connection, she should be seeking your validation more than you seek hers.
Burn that into your brain.
Remember:
When you seek her validation you can no longer be a source of validation for her as an attractive man (this is pure value to a woman). <==Read 3X…
So find a way to validate yourself, remain calm when a woman’s upset with you and just respond to it appropriately and work through it with her once the time is right instead of getting overly concerned and chasing after her and you will gain the super power that all of the most successful men have.
Respond well when one thing doesn’t go perfectly while still being aware of patterns…
Be prepared for this mentally, emotionally, and tactically and you will be more successful.
Give yourself one more point of failure before you feel too concerned about what’s happening with a woman – this is the way.
You’re the man and you can do it – when you iron out these little situations better the big picture becomes a lot smoother.
Alright sir, I’ll be back with you soon…
Cheers!
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
