Did you know that there’s one skill you can easily start using right now that makes you much more attractive to women…
And that it actually makes dating easier for you?
See, most men, when they start seeking dating advice, are (understandably) very concerned about “what to say” to women to make women want them…
And, yes, what you say to women is important.
However, the following things are MUCH more important than what you say:
1. Your social status…
The same words said by different men can be more or less attractive.
2. Your body language…
The same words with different body language as context communicate very different things.
We all know that non-verbal communication is most of the communication pie…
And, women pick up on nonverbal cues even more than you do (6 times more in fact).
3. The topic of this article…
We’ll get to that in just a second.
4. The way you say the words…
Again, non-verbals matter more.
THEN, what you say matters after all of this…
So, before you worry too much about what to say to women, let’s talk about something even more important:
How to be INTERESTING and MYSTERIOUS to women…
What we’re talking about today is a skill that more than 90% of men lack…
And:
A. Most men who try to do it do it the wrong way…
B. Most people lack this skill in general…
C. It seems to be getting worse now, so it’s an even bigger advantage for you that it was in the past.
So, what is this magical skill that’s even more important than knowing what to say to women, that’s easy to learn, that actually makes dating easier for you, and that naturally boosts your confidence?
And, of course, that also makes you incredibly interesting and mysterious to women (i.e. extremely attractive) at the same time?
LISTENING (properly).
I know, I know, it’s not very “sexy…”
But, seriously, if you learn how to listen the right way, you’ll do much better with women and your life will be easier.
The art of listening might not be very sexy, but it makes YOU very sexy.
If you apply this skill to your life in general, you’ll also be more naturally popular and have more business opportunities as well.
Now, the thing is that you have to listen the right way for it to make you attractive to women, so:
1. Make sure ATTRACTION has been established before you start listening to her a lot…
This is the main mistake that “nice guys” make when they listen to women:
They listen to women complain about their problems with other men and they listen to women a lot BEFORE attraction has been established.
They think that “being a shoulder to cry on” will make her want him.
NOPE.
You have to make sure you establish attraction before you start listening to her…
Otherwise, you’re headed on a bullet train straight into the FRIEND ZONE.
So, make sure you playfully tease her a little bit and laugh with her before you start listening.
And, do it in a DATING context: If she’s attracted to you and she’s a good woman, she won’t want to talk about other men a lot.
If you’re on your first date with her and she tells you a little bit about her relationship with her ex and then moves on, that’s normal and completely fine.
However, if she’s always talking to you about her problems with other men or other men she’s interested in, either decide just to be friends with her and be okay with that or MOVE ON.
Listening to her talk about herself and asking her open-ended questions so she can talk a lot ON A DATE is different (attractive) than being her friend and listening to her problems (especially about other men) without ever asking her on a date or establishing attraction (repulsive).
Make sense?
2. After you establish attraction, ask her open-ended questions and LET HER TALK…
You shouldn’t be afraid to share yourself with her and tell stories, etc. but you also shouldn’t be worried about what to say next.
Let her carry the conversation while you just gently guide it along.
For example (after teasing her and being playful for a few minutes):
“Alright Janice…you seem like a cool person so I’m curious…Tell me: What would you do if you hit the lottery jackpot and never had to work again?”
Then, shut off your mind and LISTEN.
When she’s done, you can tell her a story about you or your life that’s related to something she said, or you can ask her to tell you more:
“Is there more about that?”
“Wow, that’s really cool…Why do you X about X?”
“What makes you want to X?”
“Are you finished, or is there more?”
You can even just stay silent for a while after she’s finished talking…
I tried this as a social experiment one time:
For a whole week, any time I was having a conversation with someone, I counted to five before I started talking after they finished talking.
And, guess what happened?
Almost every time (95%), the other person had MORE to say and started talking again.
And, what they shared at that point was DEEPER and more meaningful than what they said the first time around.
And, the other person felt extremely comfortable with me and felt heard, respected, and validated by me.
Remember: We don’t like people who share themselves with us a lot, we like people who we share a lot of ourselves with.
So, instead of trying to “convince her to like you” by telling her all the “awesome” stuff about yourself, let her tell you all the awesome stuff about herself.
If you do that and you also establish attraction, it’s like fishing with dynamite. =)
And, when you listen to her instead of talking about yourself, she likes you more, she’s more attracted to you, she feels much more connected to you, AND:
She thinks you’re INTERESTING and MYSTERIOUS…
Which means she’s much more likely to want to see you again.
The best part: Asking her open-ended questions and letting her talk is infinitely easier than trying to think of the perfect thing to say next.
So, it also helps you relax and feel more naturally confident.
Now, at the very least, if you didn’t like what she said, after she’s done talking say something like, “Oh, that’s interesting…”
When she shares something even a little bit deeper about herself with you, NEVER put her down.
Just move the conversation smoothly to a new topic (and make your exit gracefully if what she said was a deal-breaker for you).
Remember: She should be doing 60-80% of the talking on your dates (after you establish ATTRACTION by being playfully challenging with her FIRST).
If she gets to talk a lot when she’s with you and she’s having fun with you, you’ll be MILES ahead of your competition.
And, don’t worry, people generally HATE listening and LOVE talking about themselves…
It takes a lot of INTERNAL STRENGTH to not try to talk about yourself a lot and not try to convince her to like you and to listen to her instead…
So, it’s not like millions of guys will get this idea all of a sudden and start using it when they’re out there dating.
It will be a huge advantage for you for the rest of your life.
3. Keep playful teasing sprinkled in to your conversation every once in a while to keep the attraction alive and avoid the friend zone…
If she only wants to talk about her issues and problems and she always wants to tell you about all of her problems with other men, MOVE ON.
Otherwise, encourage her to share things she’s passionate about and the positive things about herself and her life and then LISTEN.
If you do that AFTER you establish attraction and you keep playfully teasing her every once in a while as a spice, she’ll think you’re the most interesting and mysterious man she’s ever met and she’ll think you’re an incredible conversationalist.
In other words, she’ll be extremely attracted to you and feel exceptionally comfortable with you at the same time…
And what do two people do when they’re extremely attracted to each other and exceptionally comfortable with each other? =)
4. After you’re in a long-term relationship with her or you’re married to her, LISTEN even more.
Now that she’s your official girlfriend or your wife and ATTRACTION has very clearly been established, she’s EARNED the right to your full attention.
If you can’t listen to a woman for 5-10 minutes a day without interrupting or trying to solve her problem or thinking about what to say next, you shouldn’t be with her.
When she has a problem, listen to her without trying to solve her problem unless she ASKS you for a potential solution.
You have no idea how many points you’ll get if you can do this.
And, it requires less energy than trying to come up with a solution.
So, fight your natural tendency as a man to try to solve everything and LET HER WORK IT OUT HERSELF BY TALKING THROUGH IT WITH YOU.
Just say, “You’re such an intelligent woman…I’m confident that you’ll figure this out.”
Don’t offer a solution UNLESS she asks for one. In that case, fire away.
And, lastly, when she interrupts you when you’re working on a project, watching a big game on TV, or watching your favorite show on Netflix to show you something, hit the “pause” button on what you’re doing and give her 5 seconds of your undivided attention:
“Wow, those shoes are amazing…”
“Those new earrings are very cute.”
“Yes, you look great in that outfit.”
Then, she’ll run off happy and you can resume what you’re doing vs. getting her feelings hurt and causing you many more problems later.
Usually, this only takes a few seconds and it leads to a lifetime of more happiness.
And, if you’re with a good woman, she deserves it (just don’t pay her so much attention BEFORE attraction has been established and she’s earned it).
If she wants to talk about something important in this scenario, give her a specific time that you’ll get back with her:
“I’m watching this game right now and I want to hear what you have to say…Can we sit down at 8 o’clock and talk about it?”
“Can we have this conversation in 20 minutes? I’m almost done with this and want to give you my full attention.”
Etc.
Listen:
If you master the skill of LISTENING PROPERLY to women and you also establish attraction, she’ll eventually erase the images of all other men that she’s ever seen in her life and put your portrait on her mantle as the man of her dreams.
She’ll fall in love with you because you let her tell you all about herself. She’ll stay in love with you because you listen to her without trying to solve everything.
So, start practicing this skill TODAY: In your next conversation(s), try to get the other person to tell you about themselves.
And just watch as your popularity skyrockets. =)
Remember: Instead of trying to be interesting, be INTERESTED.
It’s much more attractive to people and it makes you seem amazing to them.
All you have to do to transfer that skill to dating is make sure you ALSO establish attraction by playfully challenging her first and then continue to playfully tease her a little bit forever (we cover exactly how to do all of this inside the FLIRTING MASTER Program if you want to master the art of attractive conversations).
Here’s to getting a lot better results with much less effort. =)
Until Next Time,
Jim
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Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
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