9 Tips to Feel LESS NERVOUS with Women…

Hi C.F.,

Thank you for your email – this is a great question so I want to make sure I give it a good answer.

And, by the way, well done on following everything we cover inside Attract and Keep Her (did you notice that he ended things with his girlfriend after successfully attracting her because he figured out that she’s not right for him? This is unusual because women end relationships a lot more often than men)…

Hopefully we can get you to the point where you can apply it more comfortably with all of the women you’re interested in from now on, including when you first meet a gorgeous woman.

Let’s get right into it:

First of all, you may already be the prize to women who are on your level or lower in terms of physical attractiveness/perceived social status…

Yet, if a woman is on your level or higher or she’s not completely sold on you immediately, then you’re just like every other guy out there – if a woman is interested in you, or even has high interest in you to begin with, you still have to raise her interest even higher and/or solidify her interest over the course of 2-3 months if you want to be in a relationship with her.

Listen, the game isn’t over just because a woman thinks you’re tall and good-looking and gives you a chance.

Otherwise I wouldn’t have pro basketball clients (I do).

So, how can we nail this first interaction, get a conversation going, and get a first date even when you’re nervous?

Here are some ideas we can try:

1. TRY some challenging lines on the absolute most gorgeous, awesome women you ever meet/see that make you feel super nervous and tingly inside…

The RUSH from doing this is incredible.

And there’s no way around it except through it.

I hate to say “just do it” but sometimes we just have to rip the band-aid off and do it.

I remember the first time I tried a challenging line on a “highest level” woman…

I was scared out of my mind but I maintained confident eye contact the whole time and delivered it just to see if I could and to see what would happen.

At the time, I wasn’t really sure if this kind of thing actually “worked” or if women would like it or not…

And so the first time I tried it with that kind of woman I felt that feeling of when the elevator goes up or down too fast and you feel all tingly and warm except x1000.

Well, it worked…

She LOVED it (surprise surprise, I don’t recommend things “just because” haha).

I even got her number, which shocked me a bit.

I didn’t expect her to like it that much or for it to work that well so I wasn’t able to maintain my connection with her very long after that, but the next time it was easier and I had more confidence that it would work.

Listen, women LOVE being challenged…

They might tease you back or play back with you, but try using some playfully challenging lines.

Break some eggs = make some omelettes.

Talk to them like you have nothing to lose, because you don’t.

And if they’re not interested it’s no big deal.

Of course you shouldn’t be in your head thinking about what to say every moment; but you also shouldn’t let FEAR stop you from delivering that playfully challenging line you KNOW you should say. <==Read 3x…

We tend to do this naturally with women we perceive as “our level or lower” but sometimes we hold back with women who we perceive as “higher value” than us…

And that holding ourselves back is one of the biggest reasons those women lose interest in us:

You’re telling her that she has higher value than you because you’re not saying what you would normally say or what you know you should say or what you truly want to say.

So, she agrees with your assessment of your value compared to hers and lowers her interest in you.

Romantic, I know.

Yet this is how it works when you first meet a woman.

The early stages of dating are like running a gauntlet until she’s sure her interest in you is justified (again, this usually takes 2-3 months, assuming you do everything right with her).

Now, if a woman is less attractive than you but you’re still interested in her and/or a woman’s already super interested in you, the approach can be more straightforward…

You might already be intimidating to some women; in that case start with more connecting conversation and playfully tease her later when she’s comfortable with you.

But if a woman is intimidating, try playfully challenging her right out of the gate.

And even if she’s not intimidating it’s almost always a good idea to playfully challenge a woman unless she’s super intimidated by you at first.

You just have to DO IT and then see how women respond…

Approach this like an experiment:

You are a social scientist and want to test this stuff to see if it really works for you or not.

Once you see that women actually respond positively and that this is what women want (assuming they have some interest in you at all and you do it properly), then it will become a lot easier for you to do it naturally with every woman you meet and you can calibrate it from there.

PRO TIP: The most gorgeous women are actually sometimes the easiest to approach…

We don’t do the 1-10 scale around here (all women you’re interested in are 1’s, the others are 0 in terms of your interest), but many times a “10” will be happy and impressed that you simply had the courage to approach her because most guys won’t because they’re scared while the “7’s,” “8’s,” and “9’s,” get approached ALL THE TIME so you might need some more spice to grab their attention.

And what I have found in general is that the better-looking a woman is, the more being playfully challenging with them works because they never (or rarely) experience it.

So, it’s even more effective.

Yet, it builds attraction effectively with almost every woman out there and almost all of them love it (if a woman has a bad attitude toward life, she’s not interested in you at all, and/or has lots of issues she might not like it – this also helps us filter them out. And oftentimes even if a woman isn’t interested in you she’ll still enjoy your playful teasing and banter).

Make sense?

Excellent.

2. Start talking to a woman side-by-side instead of face-to-face.

This takes tons of pressure off of both of you…

And it also makes her work for your full attention a bit.

Then, as she engages in conversation with you, plays back with you, and shows that she’s a cool person who might be interested in you, turn more of your body to face her.

First, face her with just your head when you’re talking and face away when she’s talking…

Then face your upper body toward her, then your hips, and lastly your feet (always keep ONE of your feet pointed slightly away at a 45 degree angle).

When you feel nervous, this can really work to lower the tension.

Then you can build the “good” tension back up as she earns it.

3. Treat EVERY woman you’re interested in the same…

If you’re treating a certain woman differently even though you haven’t treated other women you like that way or you are treating her differently than our system recommends because she’s “different” or “special,” you’re in trouble. <==Read 7x…

You are telling her that your value is too low for her.

So, be CONSISTENT in the way you interact with women.

Beyond the social considerations I mentioned before (don’t tease a less attractive woman super hard at first if she’s already super into you/intimidated by you, etc.), TREAT ALL WOMEN YOU LIKE THE SAME.

If you would wait 4-8 days to ask a woman out on the next date (this is what you should be doing), don’t “break the rules” just because this one is “super hot” or because “she might be the one” or because “you have such a great connection with her and you don’t want her to forget about you.”

No.

You’re either interested in a woman and you’re following ALL of the rules with her just like you do with every other woman, or you’re not interested in her and you just treat her like you do all other humans you don’t want to be in a romantic relationship with. =)

Being CONSISTENT is a masculine, super attractive male trait.

And looking at all women you’re interested in as the same level also helps take down our anxiety level.

Picture the best-looking ones wearing a hoodie or just imagine that she just got back from doing some major “business” in the restroom if you have to just to control yourself a bit more (whatever it takes!). =)

4. Give vs. trying to get…

One of the reasons we feel nervous is if we want something from someone else…

Giving freely doesn’t feel like that.

So, OFFER these super attractive women a good, fun, challenging conversation with a great guy…

SHARE a kiss with them…

HAVE FUN with them on dates…

Build a great lifestyle and INVITE them to join you in it…

And, if one of them happens to treat you super well and she’s a great woman who is loyal and has a flexible and giving attitude, OFFER her one of your most valuable assets: commitment (once she brings up the idea of being in a relationship) if you want.

GIVE challenge, and SHARE your internal value and strength with women FREELY instead of trying to “get” with them.

This raises your value and lowers the anxiety/nervousness level.

You have a lot to offer just because you exist as a man.

Even more as you are tall (I’m not) and good-looking.

So act like it (without being “cocky” – be smooth about it).

5. Try drinking coffee before you go out…

Studies show that it helps people be more sociable.

Plus, more and more studies are showing that coffee has lots of health benefits.

If you have trouble sleeping, obviously don’t pound coffee after noon and always consult a doctor when it comes to your health; otherwise, see if this works for you.

I like to have one cup of coffee before I go out.

6. Start talking to EVERYONE once you get to a social event/venue.

Don’t try to turn on your flirting/conversation skills when you see an attractive woman.

Start with the first person you see and go from there.

It sounds silly but if you high-five 6 guys and 4 women and then you meet the one you have your eye on, things tend to go better with her.

7. On that same note, make being playfully challenging, qualifying, connecting, etc. (everything we talk about inside AAKH in terms of conversations) a part of your NORMAL personality.

Don’t try to “turn it on” with a gorgeous woman.

Just be that guy all the time (of course calibrate it to each situation – this is part of being attractive as well).

I mean, it sounds obvious, but if you playfully tease your friends, you qualify every new person you meet, etc., it’s easier to do it when you meet an attractive woman.

Plus, you can work on calibrating everything a lot more if you do it more often.

So think of yourself as a socially attractive man in general from now on.

Because when you attract the world, she comes along…

8. Build up your SOCIAL CIRCLE…

If you have a lot of friends and YOU are planning events for them to come to, eventually they will start bringing other cool people around…

And when one of your friends introduces a woman to you (especially when a female friend introduces you), and that woman sees you as the leader/planner of that fun time she’s now having, you’re WAY ahead of where you would be with her if you met the exact same woman randomly at a bar.

Everything will be much easier with her and in this case you didn’t even have to “approach” her because she came to you.

So you’ll feel A LOT less nervous/anxious when you start talking to her.

9. LASTLY, Remember that PRESSURE = OPPORTUNITY…

The actual truth is that it’s GOOD to feel nervous…

It means you’re actually interested in a woman.

It means that you wouldn’t be settling with her.

This feeling tells you the exact women you SHOULD talk to.

In fact, in my opinion, you should ONLY talk to the women who make you feel like that (I mean in terms of dating them, not talking to people in general).

That nervousness is potential energy you can use to get more LIFE.

Feeling something means we are ALIVE.

And the more you feel it the more alive you are.

So, when a woman makes you feel more ALIVE, expand on that feeling as much as possible and go say hi.

Even if the conversation doesn’t go well you’ll feel a lot better about yourself just for having the courage to trust that feeling and approach her.

And you’ll carry that feeling with you into your next conversation with the next one.

So, you win no matter what (again, nothing to lose).

Yet, if you hesitate and don’t honor your own feelings, you always lose.

Alright sir, sincerely hope this helps.

Until Next Time,

Jim

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